it never got to the person it was meant for, but things worked out and we became friends in time. I so desperately have found myself in a similar situation, but it’s slightly more complicated considering there is a kid in the mix. I want to be friends, and want our child to know both parents. But I keep going on this roller coaster ride that every guy puts me through when we break up, and I just keep thinking he is probably trying to shake me, and he has several times, but then he keeps talking me back on to the ride, and I get on just because I have hope. Hope is kind of becoming despair, and its a feeling I never wanted. I wish my head was as clear as it was then:
“Today I was inspired to write in my sketchbook about you. You know who you are, yet you probably don’t care. But today I was inspired to write and get the feelings out of my head.
I needed this day, a day away from you, so I could truly feel what I am supposed to, I know you don’t think I have been hiding my emotions very well, and that’s true I haven’t but at least today I was actually able to let it all out for now. I didn’t have to pretend everything is okay, I didn’t have to pretend that we are only friends. Because as much as I hate to say this I can’t just be friends right now, if I could just drop all feelings for you, so that you could move on easier, you know I would. I have been doing everything I can for you. You should know that.
But I can’t just stop all feelings for you and pretend that we are the best of friends like we used to be. I wish things could go back to the way things were, but obviously its not what you need. I can’t just start feelings for other people either, but what I can do is try to move on. And believe me, I am trying, you just make it look so much easier than it actually is.
When I see things that remind me of you, it kills, but I’m learning to deal with that. I know you say we will eventually figure things out and possibly in the future get back together, but that is so hard for me to actually believe, because if you truly felt the way I do, this wouldn’t be so easy for you to just drop like you have.
I’m not angry with you, nor could I ever hate you, but I can’t even come close to how you want me to be right now. I know you blame yourself, but I must have done something to make you change like this. I just hate that it had to come to this. You said, “forever” you claimed “I will never ever break up with you, why would I want too?” I mean at first I couldn’t believe this. I was determined not to set myself up for hurt, but I did anyway. Because I had trust and faith in you, I believed every single word. I am not saying you lied, because I am pretty sure you believed it yourself. But as you know, we are humans. And sometimes we change. I haven’t, but you might have.
I hope that things will get better, but for now I just need time to get over that hope, considering I would much rather learn from my mistake of having too much belief, when I should just get myself ready for the worst. That way if you are right, it will be much more of a surprise.
I love you and always will, I don’t want you to forget that. I can keep trying to be friends, but it just gets us both upset, because we are so used to the way things were. So, I’m saying now, that I love you, I won’t forget you, nor ignore you but we just need to be acquaintances for now.
So I love you, I hope all things go well for you, and I hope you find what you’re looking for.
I love you.”
